When You Hurt So Much You Pull Away From Everyone (Even The Person You Love Most)

You ever have those days where the hurt gets so loud you swear it echoes? 

Where you’re surrounded by people but somehow still feel like you’re standing alone in an empty room?
Yeah… me too. Sit with me for a minute. Let’s talk about that. 

Because there’s a very real kind of pain that happens when you don’t feel like you have anyone — no friends you can actually call, no family that feels safe, no one who really gets you. And the wild part? Sometimes the one person who could be there — your partner — ends up being the one you shut out completely. 

Not because you don’t love them. 
Not because you don’t want them close. 
But because the hurting part of you whispers, “Don’t burden them. Don’t scare them off. Don’t let them see you falling apart.” 

So you go quiet. 
You shut down. 
You pretend you’re “fine.” 
And the loneliness grows roots. 

But here’s the truth I want you to hear — the kind you only tell someone face to face, with softness in your voice because you know they need it: 

You’re not broken for coping this way. You’re hurting. And hurt makes people hide.  

When you don’t have a support system, your brain learns to protect you by keeping everything inside. It’s survival mode. 
It’s what you learned to do when no one else stepped up. 

But that doesn’t make it less heavy. 
And it definitely doesn’t make you less deserving of comfort. 

Let’s be honest — shutting your partner out often comes from fear, not rejection. 
Fear of saying the wrong thing. 
Fear of being “too much.” 
Fear of relying on someone and having them disappear like everyone else did. 

So instead of risking that pain again, you choose silence. 
You choose distance. 
You choose the familiar ache of being alone, because at least that’s predictable. 

But I want to tell you something gently, like placing a hand on your shoulder:

You don’t deserve to carry all of this alone. 

Even if you feel like you have no one, even if friendships have fallen away, even if family isn’t there for you the way you need — it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of connection. It doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being loved or understood. 

Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is letting someone in when your whole life taught you not to.
But shutting people out doesn’t protect you — it just makes the pain echo louder. 

And your partner? 
They might not know how to help. 
They might not realize you’re not pushing them away — you’re drowning quietly. 
Most people aren’t mind readers. They see silence and assume it means distance, not pain. 

So if you’re reading this and thinking, “Yeah… that’s me,” then this part is for you:

You can open up slowly. You don’t have to break yourself open all at once. 

Try saying: 

• “I don’t know how to talk about what I’m feeling, but I’m really overwhelmed.” 
• “I’m shutting down and I don’t want to.” 
• “I need you, but I’m scared to need anyone.” 

Honest. Simple. Human. 
And I promise — that vulnerability isn’t weakness. 
It’s the first step back toward connection. 

And hey… even if no one else has shown up for you the way they should have, you showed up here. You reached out. You’re trying to understand yourself. That matters. That counts. 

You’re not as alone as your pain tells you. 
And you’re not too much, too complicated, or too broken to be loved.

You’re just hurting. 
And hurting people deserve gentleness — including from themselves.

--The Healing Chaos